RIP Michael

So finally Michael is resting in peace ...

Yesterday’s memorial service was perhaps one of the most emotional events that I ever witnessed ... experienced ... in my life. Still can’t believe that Michael is dead ... yesterday’s service was an apt way to provide closure to millions and millions of his fans ... and most importantly ... the Jackson family.

It’s so heartening to see that MJ still has a massive following ... millions and millions of people mourning in grief ... celebrating his life. His music ... fresher than ever ... still topping the charts ... speak volumes for the man ... simply known as the King of Pop. I would say that Michael was simply the greatest entertainer that ever lived. It would take a super human effort to achieve anything close to what MJ accomplished. I won’t see it happening in my lifetime at least. God must have broken the mould ...

It’s just so sad that the whole world connected with him (again) ... when he died. For the better part of the last decade or so ... people really questioned him and his abilities. For yesterday night ... the whole world seemed to be in awe and grief of his sudden demise. I wish Michael could see this ... this would have really healed his soul.

I still get goose bumps thinking about yesterday’s memorial service ... and I won’t say that I didn’t felt like crying while watching it on TV. I never knew MJ personally ... his loss felt personal. I never thought that I could feel so emotional ... human nature may be.

Rest in peace Michael!

Farewell MJ

What a dreadful start to the day ... King of Pop is no more.

Since it was Friday, I was happy while coming to the office ... even though the Metro was crowded than usual ... I was still happy and listening to the radio (usually 95FM) ... and suddenly Sharthak (RJ) announced that today they would be paying tribute to MJ because he passed away. And I was like ... WTF ... this can’t be happening ... I must have misheard him. So I switched the channel to 102.6FM and there I heard “Bad” ... and I then knew that MJ is truly gone. The RJ re-confirmed it. I was pissed because the RJ showed no emotions ... he simply said that today MJ died and we are gonna play few of his songs ... and then took some requests and laughed. I mean ... OK ... being a RJ ... you gotta entertain people ... but why do they forget that it is only because of the musicians their channel is in the air ... they should have showed some respect ... and this is MJ we are talking about ... the biggest star/entertainer/musician of this century. Anyways ... I guess I was pissed more because of the news that MJ is no more ... what a bummer.

I was (still am because music will never die) a big MJ fan. When I say I am a fan, I mean I am a fan of his music. I never judged him for all the allegations or his eccentricities ... they don’t concerns/bothers me. I loved his music and I am not ashamed to admit that. I still remember that when I was really young and living in a small village ... where no one ever heard of any English music ... I saw his album “Thriller” in front of the cassette player (those were the days ... ahhh). I curiously picked it up and saw this strange looking man on the cover of it. Probably I was 6-7 years old then ... and I never heard any English song nor have I seen any English music album. I looked around and I asked my mom who is he ... she said she don’t know ... may be Kishan Kaka (my uncle) bought the cassette ... he must be knowing. Anyways ... I played the cassette and I was instantly hooked. Never mind I could not understand a single word he was saying ... but such was the magic in his music. As time went by ... and I shifted to Delhi ... the first album that I bought was ... you guessed it right ... a MJ album ... “Dangerous”. And today I have every hit MJ song in my collection.

Lately his life was in turmoil ... with child abuse court cases ... his albums not doing well ... his surgeries ... his change of faith (he died a Muslim if you care to know) ... things were not looking up for him. Whenever you talk about him or even about his music, people raised their eyebrows ... but why must they forget that the guy gave some wonderful music. He was (and forever will be) known as “King of Pop” for a reason. Why do people judge him for all the other stuff ... which frankly is none of anyone’s concerns. He was king and forever will be ... and it would be hard to get someone like him anytime soon. Recently he tried to put his house in order by planning a series of shows to get him out of debt troubles. He named the tour as “This is it” tour ... how ironical. Well the man is gone ... but I know his music will live forever.

Rest in peace MJ and thank you for the music.

Lets connect

Just came back after meeting Verma and Seth ... high school buds. Verma is in Delhi on a break ... he is doing his MBA. So it was time to catch up with the life. We met at the old market place where we used to hang out after almost every day when we were kids. 3 old buds meeting after god knows how long ... felt great. Its not like that we don’t keep in touch ... we chat ... talk over phone ... exchange e-mails ... scraps ... all the internet social networking one can think of. But to meet them in person ... nothing can beat that. No matter how much we achieve in electronic communication ... nothing can come close to in-person meeting. A simple “hey man whats up” in person is much more fascinating than pages of e-mails or hours on phone. You can truly judge a person’s happiness and excitement when you see the smiles ... the ever changing expressions on a human face.

We human beings are an intriguing species ... so many socio-emotional layers. We are what we are because of our ability to convey and interpret emotions – good or bad. It drives almost every aspect of our lives. No matter how advance we become ... we will always be human first. It makes us tick ... it makes us make sense of it all. Let me explain it in terms of my personal experience – when I was in NYC, I used to talk to my family every day. From my hotel room, I used to chat (even video chats) ... it was almost as if I was in Delhi itself. But that’s the catch ... it was almost like I was there ... but it really wasn’t the same. I may not talk at all when I am at home ... but the mere physical presence brings a very different feeling. I can’t put the feeling in words ... but I hope you get what I mean.

It’s a privilege to be a human being ... it’s a privilege to have friends and family. It’s a privilege to convey and interpret emotions ... lets try to connect as human beings. Lets not always send SMS/tweets/instant messages ... lets meet ... lets connect the way it is supposed to be.

xoxo

Three Zero: Prelude

The forthcoming weekend is probably the biggest weekend of this year (so far) because of couple of reasons ... first, second, and third (ahahaha) ... yours truly will touch the (dreaded) milestone of 30 (damn!!! damn!!! damn!!!) ... and India will know the results of marathon general elections.

30 ... three decades ... thirty ... three zero ... that’s a big number isn’t it. I seriously thought that I wont grow up to be 30 ... I would be young forever (really). As usual, my air castle got “Trojaned” by my Achilles ... TIME. People say that age is nothing but a number ... they are fooling themselves. I haven’t found a single reason to cheer ... I just hope that I don’t cry when I cut the cake. It seemed like yesterday when I was in school ... now when I look back ... it feels like a pipedream. Time to wake up and smell my Corex.

I don’t know what I would feel on 16th ... may be I wont care ... may be I would be calm and happy (pretend) ... or may be I would simple loose my mind. The probability of the later is high ... ahahahaha. I will have to find ways to deal with this reality ... a reality which is worse than a nightmare. I urge all of my friend and well wishers ... don’t wish ... don’t try to spin this into some dose of positivity pill. I know this is my malady and I know I will have to find the cure for this itch.

Goodbye sweetness, Goodbye assuage
Welcome moroseness, Welcome malaise
Leaving behind a rudderless life
The road ahead ... still filled with strife

xoxo

I miss can't haves

After coming back from London, I have been bingeing a lot. This makes me wonder ... why? Before going to London, I was on a controlled diet to make myself healthy. But after coming back, I have been eating like I never ate before. The only rationale that I can think of is that I didn’t had the option of eating home made food in London. This might sounds little weird, but it is the truth. My mind plays such games – when I stay at home, I don’t eat food like daal-chawal (pulses-rice), rotis (Indian bread), etc. I prefer to eat salads and fruits to keep my weight in check. But when I came back, I just ate and ate over the weekend. The thing is – I started missing solid food when I did not had a choice ... weird isn’t it. Similarly, when I stay at home, many a times I don’t interact with family ... probably I take them for granted ... my bad. But when I was there I missed my family ... dearly. Again, the rational remains the same. I feel the worth of things only when they are not near to me or when I know that I can’t have it. I feel restless ... it drives me crazy.

Is it human nature to miss things when they are not near or is it just me?

An unusual tea break

In the morning, I felt an urge to have my cuppa tea. So I got down (my office is on the 4th floor) and asked the chai walla (tea vendor) to make a cup of strong tea. As I was standing near the thella (cart) – sipping my cuppa and enjoying the winter morning sun – suddenly a thought crossed my mind. I should shed the doubts about the office and start enjoying the place. I decided that I would work as hard as I could possibly can. Its kinda eerie to get such feelings ... specially related to WORK ... but then I guess it is all because of that damn article that I read before coming down for the tea. I read an article about the impact of recession on jobs. Na Na ... wait a minute ... don’t think that I’m afraid or anything ... but when I realized that so many people have lost or are loosing their jobs (possibly their livelihood) ... I felt that I should be thankful to still have a job. I read all the comments that were posted in that article and realized that things are really bad for few people. Few days back I read similar kind of article where they documented the daily life of a couple in US. Due to recession and scarcity of jobs, they were forced to stay apart just to make enough money for their family. In fact, the couple lived on separate continents for their jobs. I know its not a common thing, but this simply shows the extremes of the recession. Poeple are forced to live apart, do crummy jobs, get minimum wage, salary cuts, loss of social life, Et cetera Et cetera. When I compare my life with all those who are in distress, I feel lucky ... in a strange way. Here I’m cribbing about the dull work environment and boring colleagues. I just asked few questions to myself ... and I decided that as long as I am here, I would stop cribbing and start bettering myself. Yeah Ankur you are right ... there is still plenty to learn and do ... I read your comment in my last post.

I have given myself 6 months to either like the work and office ... or I should be good enough to move on. And for that, I would have to be a “super star” performer. So I have decided that within these 6 months, I would gain knowledge (possibly do couple of QA related certifications as well), will work hard (be an indispensible “worker”) and stop worrying. The doubts that I have about this new office are not that big ... they shouldn't act as deterrents. Anyhoo ... got the UK visa today and most probably I would be in London by next week (did I hear globe trotter !!!).

Talking about London ... one of the reasons I did not join the family business was exactly this. I always wanted to travel different cities, countries, continents. I also knew that if I join the business, it would be very hard for me to go to such places. First I saw New York and now London ... wuuuuhuuu ... suddenly life seems all right. You win some and you loose some.

In the year 2009

We are at the brink of another new year ... a year which holds so many promises ... so many potentials. Like each new year, this year too I’ve set few small goals ... few milestones which I want to achieve. You may term them as new year resolutions ... every year I set few aims that I try to achieve. I am not a planner ... but as I am growing older, I’ve mellowed down a bit. Gone are the days of restlessness (or recklessness) ... I’ve started to appreciate a bit of order in life. Anyways, I still don’t have a long term future plan – personally or professionally. To tell you the truth, I’ve absolutely no idea what I’ll be doing in next 5 years or what I want to do with the rest of my life. I’m still looking for life answers ... but heck ... I’ll take it whatever comes my way. Life hasn’t been an ally ... it always teases me ... putting me in precarious positions ... and I am left to fight all the demons. People say that it feels good to come out of predicaments ... trust me ... I’m getting pretty sick and tired of it. I am tired of feeling insecure ... tired of all the worries ... tired of all things that makes me lose my sleep. I never plan ... because they never come good ... never. Instead, I make small (most of the time ... meaningless) goals ... and feel happy if some of them (or any) comes true. So here I go ... these are few of the things that I wish I achieve this year

Specific

• Get at least 1 professional certification
• Buy a nice digital music system
• Watch at least 4 movies in theater ... even if I have to watch alone
• Buy 2 decent pair of shoes
• Must break the 80 kg barrier ... even if it lasts a day

General

• Put a simple financial plan in place ... start saving money ... earn extra cash
• Be more accommodating ... try to be polite and try to listen to others (just try)
• Curb loosing control ... temper down anger ... especially at home
• Must do at least 1 nice thing for family
• Must take a week long break ... to a place far far away
• Do one really wild thing ... anything out of the ordinary
• Dedicate regular time for self upgrade ... learn new things which might be useful in career
• Start exercising regularly
• Learn cooking (or at least try)... even if it’s a simple dish
• Try not to be critical of all things Bollywood (just try)
• Cut down on television and internet surfing
• Stop cussing while driving ... drive like a girl or an oldie ... calmly
• Start seeing someone ... or worse ... get married

Will evaluate on the eve of 2010 ... hopefully I’ll achieve all of them.

HAPPY NEW YEAR ... Cheers !!!

Waiting for winters

Its 9th December and still Delhi is waiting for its famous winters. The day temperatures are still in mid-high 20s (ºC) and nights are still reeling under double figure temperatures ... way above normal. Dilli ki sardi (Delhi’s winter) is legendary among Indians, especially the Hindi speaking folks. Delhi is like a weather lab where one gets to experience the 2 main seasons – summer and winter – to the extreme. If summers burn you with near 50 degrees, winters can freeze you with near 0 degree. Not many places on this planet can boost of such a huge temp-range ... one of the reasons why I love Delhi. No wonder we Dilliwalas (Delhiites) can go to any place without fearing the weather gods. When I was in NYC last year (in winter season), even the day temp use to be near 0ºC. The hotel I stayed in was inhabited by many south Indians (who never really experience winters back home). Those folks were not very comfortable in such conditions. I, on the other hand, enjoyed the winters immensely. Not that we get such chilly conditions back home, but it was easier for me to adapt. Similarly, I have seen so many foreigners apply bucket load of sunscreen lotions and drinking tanks full of liquids when they visit my city in summers (to enjoy Indian summers ... huh!!!) even in April. Where as we Delhiites don’t even flinch in June-July, when the Sun seems to be really HOT (literally).

I hail from a small village (Kanuta) in Churu district, Rajasthan (adjoining state), which also has a similar weather pattern. Churu have always been in the news for weather reasons. It boosts of the highest and lowest temps in India (for plain regions). In fact, the variation in the minimum and maximum temperature may very well be greatest for any place in the world. Having made Delhi my home and my karma bhoomi (land of my actions), I adapted its culture and weather like a hand in a glove. Like every hardcore Delhiite, I too enjoy a good (and lazy) night sleep in rajayi (quilt) and drinking garam garam chai (hot tea) along with pakore (Indian snack). Aaahhhh ... absolute bliss

I love it when I struggle to see in the dense fog (pollution also plays a part in it) ... I love it when I shiver while driving (never used the heater option in my car ... never ever) ... I love it when it gets dark at 6’o clock in the evening, I love it when the sun don’t shine for days and I love it when I actually miss the sun. So many things that I want to feel and yet the winters are not here. Damn !!!